All of us, no matter who we are, have something that drives us over that preverbal sexual edge. Discovering that thing is the question, perhaps the biggest question in life. I was recently told a beautiful story that I’d love to share with you because it really speaks volumes to this discussion on discovering the things that get you wet and wild, so bear with me…
An elderly gentleman approached a sexologist with what seemed to him, a bizarre request. He wanted to find out how to ask his wife for a blowjob. The man was in his seventies, and had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer.
In his entire married life, he had never experienced the joy of oral sex, and in his last living days, he wanted to finally fulfill this lifelong fantasy with his wife.
He asked the sexologist to approach his wife, because he felt that he couldn’t broach the subject with her, out of fear of her reaction.
The sexologist met with the man’s wife to explain his request. The elderly woman, being very conservative, was quite taken aback, but after some coaxing, she agreed to fulfill her husband’s fantasy.
A few months later the sexologist received a phone call from the elderly woman, who was overcome with emotion. Her husband had recently passed away, but she wanted to say thank you for giving her the greatest months of her 40+ year marriage.
They had fulfilled the fantasy many times over during those last few months, and had enjoyed it so much that she wished they could’ve been more open with each other throughout their marriage.
What this story tells us
The point of the story is that we all have that sexual something we’d love to do (or maybe still discover), but fear holds us back from experiencing our ultimate sexual joy.
Some people have the ability to discover things very easily. They are probably a bit more open and honest with themselves. It’s a skill, but it’s a skill that we can all learn.
Many times, we’re made to feel guilt about our sexual desires. We may find that what we lust over doesn’t conform to the norms & standards of society (crazy people who hurt kids, etc… excluded), and because of the fear of judgment or rejection, we don’t act on it – just like that elderly gentleman.
As women, we’re naturally filled with guilt (guilt from our mother’s, guilt from our spouses, guilt from our mother-in-laws, guilt from our kids…). It’s a built in instinct that we have, and we end up putting everyone else’s needs over our own. This adds to the pressure of sexual guilt, and when we don’t act on what we’d like to do, we leave little space for our own desires. So the big question is, how do we get over all these obstacles so that we can experience our ultimate sexual joy?
Discovering the things that get you wet and wild – How to do it & act on it?
First, you need to feel safe within your sexual environment. If that means feeling safe within your own head, allowing yourself to let go mentally, then that’s what you have to do! Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, we shut ourselves down before we’ve even begun.
Secondly, be honest with yourself… real honest! If you can’t be honest with yourself, you’ll never be honest with your partner either. Don’t let fear control your mind, rather climb out of the multitude of boxes that you close yourself in, and be open to your sexuality – your wants, needs and desires.
I’m sure we’d all love to have the limitless inhibitions of a porn star, however our reality is sometimes a little different. Screaming the house down with kids in the next room is just not an option. So, create a space where you can let go, and discover what drives you nuts… without fear of judgement or rejection, without guilt, and definitely without the kids!
Get creative and plan a journey of sexual discovery…
Plan a weekend away, or a lockdown at home, with no distractions. Send the kids on a camp, get a sitter, or dump them at your parents (meant with love), it’s your time now!
Create a space where you and your spouse can explore each other – mind, body & soul. Make your intentions clear from the onset… this is a weekend of sexual discovery – for both of you!
Next, do what we all do best… go shopping! Get out and buy yourself some new kinky lingerie (stuff that makes you feel sexy). Pay a visit to an adult shop or go online and splurge on some new & different sex toys (GO BIG – hahaha)!
Make a mental list of all the things that you’ve always wanted to do, but fear has held you back from even talking about them. Now’s your chance to DO them!
Be BOLD & DARING, and most importantly, have FUN. Having fun is a vital aspect of doing this, so make sure you laugh lots, smile often and have a ball (or two). Also, be prepared to do the outrageous – discovering the things that get you wet and wild is no easy task, so get creative. Don’t do what you did last Wednesday, otherwise it’s a pointless exercise and you’ll fall back into the trap of boring, mundane sex… No, No, No!
And lastly, if you’re still stuck for ideas, we have a great tool to help you along your journey of sexual discovery. Our ‘FREE Printable Limits List’ can help you think about what you like, what drives you nuts and what get you dripping wet!
You can also try our ‘Sexy Date Night Ideas’ which each have a printable date night card, and are especially helpful if you have trouble verbalizing your sexual desires.
Have fun, and enjoy discovering the things that get you wet and wild!